Know Your Stars
by CheerfullyPessimistic
Summary: What you didn't know about your favorite Naruto characters. So far.........Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, and now Rock Lee!
1. Uzumaki Naruto

I decided to try this kind of fic out because I saw many Know Your Stars fics that weren't really funny. I wanted to see if I could do better. This chapter may have turned out to be crap, but the next chapters will get better, I hope...

Disclaimer: I own Naruto because I am the great Masashi Kishimoto. (not)

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Know Your Stars: 

_**Chapter 1: Uzumaki Naruto**_

Naruto was enjoying some miso ramen at Ichiraku's Ramen Stand when it started raining. The people walking peacefully outside began running home in hopes of staying dry.

After his twenty-eighth bowl of ramen (that would make anyone barf out of disgust if they had that many bowls), he paid the bill and walked out.

The thunder boomed so deafeningly Naruto had to clap his hands on his ears and started running. Of course, he hadn't focused on where he was going so he got lost and began to wander around.

Suddenly a deep, rumbling voice sounded from the heavens. That didn't mean that what the voice would say would be very heavenly.

_**Know yous stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

The other people, who had earlier been concentrated on getting the hell out of the rain, stopped to consider and stared at the sky.

"Whozzere?" asked a disgruntled Naruto.

_**Uzumaki Naruto...isn't Japanese, he's actually a terrorist bomber.**_

"What! I am Uzumaki Naruto and I will become Hokage!! I am not a terrorist bomber!"

_**That's funny...since when were blondes considered Japanese? You have to be a bomber. Anyway... Uzumaki Naruto's real goal in life is to become a male stripper.**_

"No! That's it! Come down here so I can kick your ass!"

Then people began to gather arund Naruto. They began whispering.

A chair popped up out of no where and plopped Naruto on to itself.

_**Uzumaki Naruto...really hates Haruno Sakura.**_

"What! No I don't! I love her!"

_**That's funny, how can you love someone you hate?**_

"I said I don't hate her already!"

At this point Naruto got really pissed and bean chucking kunai into the air.

_**Uzumaki Naruto...only hangs out with Sakura so he can learn the secret of becoming a Sasuke fangirl.**_

"How dare you call Sakura a fangirl! How dare you call _me_ a fan_girl_! I hate Sasuke-I have no intention of becoming his fangirl, believe it!"

The crowd around Naruto broke into whispers again.

_**So now you know Uzumaki Naruto-the gay non-Japanese terrorist stripper fangirl who hates Haruno Sakura.**_

"Don't believe it! It's all a lie I tell you!

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I'm not very happy with this chapter at all. Don't worry, it might get better if I feel like continuing this. This is just an experiment. Feel free to flame/review. Flames without any constructive criticism that can't help me will be used for cooking. 


	2. Haruno Sakura

So this is the next chapter. I think it is better in comparison to the first chapter.

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Know Your Stars: 

_**Chapter 2: Haruno Sakura**_

Sakura carefully moved along the aisles of the huge mall. Said mall, _Kunoichi, _was littered with racks and racks of clothes meant for all sorts of kunoichi.

Suddenly the lights flickered ominously as everyone stopped and looked up. Silence washed over the mall.

_**"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."**_

The silence was deafening as the look on peoples' faces became more confused.

_**"Haruno Sakura...is really considering letting people use her huge forehead as a billboard for money since she can't make proper use of her disastrous kunoichi skills."**_

Sakura's face turned several shades of red as she shook her fist in the air.

"This better not be you, Ino-pig!"

The mysterious voice, or MV, as we will refer to, was highly offended. (We all know what happens when people get angry).

_**"Haruno Sakura's momma is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it."**_

"Hey you! Don't include my mother in this!!"

_**"Haruno Sakura...likes to sell her weapons on eBay and buys dresses with the money she gets."**_

"What! I still have my kunai! And my shuriken! And my-everything!"

_**"Haruno Sakura...really has a crush on Kabuto."**_

"What! That freaky nerd? He works for Orochimaru! I hate him! He was the one who took Sasuke-kun away! (A/N: Even though Sakura is not supposed to know that yet. So we will change it to:) "He is the one who will take Sasuke-kun away in the future!"

_**"Speaking of which...Haruno Sakura...thinks Orochimaru is really hot."**_

"No I don't! I hate him for being mean to Sasuke-kun!"

_**"Then why do you have an Orochimaru shrine in your room?"**_

"How did you-I mean no!"

_**"It was next to your Sasuke shrine, which was next to your Gaara shrine, which was next to your Neji shrine, which was next to your Shino shrine, which was next to your-"**_

"SHUT UP!!"

_**"Haruno Sakura...is secretly planning to gain excessive amounts of fat so she can get into the Guiness World Book of Records for being one of the twenty fattest obese people in the world."**_

"No, I would want to get thin for Sasuke-kun!"

_**"Right. So now you know Haruno Sakura-the weapon-selling, Orochimaru-loving whore who wants to become obese."**_

"I said SHUT UP!!"

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Review please! Constructive criticism welcomed. 


	3. Uchiha Sasuke

So here is the third chapter. Not too proud with this either-just an experiment.

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Know Your Stars:

_**Chapter 3: Uchiha Sasuke:**_

Uchiha Sasuke was training in a deserted forest. The lonely prodigy and heir to the Uchiha clan was sweating profusely and was currently taking a break.

He was training alone, and was thankful for it, since his pesky teammates weren't there to annoy the hell out of him.

He wasn't alone for long, thoughm as out MV decided to make its appearance, or rather, without the appearance part.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

Words failed to come out of the heir's mouth as he moved his head vigorously to find the intruder.

_**Uchiha Sasuke...stuffs a chicken's ass in his hair every day to maintain that hairstyle.**_

A frown appeared on Sasuke's face as he tried to look for the source of the insult.

_**Uchiha Sasuke...likes to try on ladies' underwear.**_

"DO NOT!!" Red marks appeared on Sasuke's otherwise pale face. "Who are you? State your name right now!"

A bucketful of pink, frilly lingerie was dumped on the Uchiha's head.

_**We found this in your room, and too bad, because none of it is sexy stuff either. What a shame.**_

Sasuke glared at the heavens and burned the lingerie with his katon.

_**Uchiha Sasuke...uses dating services under the pretense of a woman so he can find the perfect man for him. Trust me, this is how he met Orochimaru. And this is how he plans to find Itachi.**_

Sasuke activated his Sharingan and did an all-round blast of his more powerful katon.

_**Speaking of which...Uchiha Sasuke did not get kissed by Naruto on accident, he pushed him down himself.**_

This got an immediate reaction.

You know very well that is NOT true!!"

_**Uchiha Sasuke...really likes Brittney Spears and wishes he could get in her pants-er, well, bikini.**_

Sasuke just stood there, blinking dumbly at what he heard. So far he had no clue why MV was doing this, but he knew whatever he just heard wasn't nice at all.

_**So now you know Sasuke- the gay fan of Brittney Spears who stuffs a chicken's ass in his head and tries on ladies underwear.**_

"Go away and leave me alone you gay freak!!"

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Now there's a button that will really help me.

CLICK!


	4. Inuzuka Kiba

Okay, typing this is getting boring. I hope it won't get to the point where I have to consider this on the same level as homework.

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Know Your Stars: 

_**Chapter 3: Inuzuka Kiba:**_

Kiba and Akamaru were in the park playing fetch with a frisbee when the clouds started to enshroud the sun.

_**"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."**_

Kiba frantically looked around.

_**"Inuzuka Kiba...is going to marry Akamaru when he grows up."**_

"The HELL! Akamaru is my dog!"

_**"Yeah, right. Akamaru loves being inside your shirt."**_

"Excuse me! That is totally retarded!" However, Kiba shot a dirty look to Akamaru, whose tail stopped wagging.

_**"Inuzuka Kiba...is really a performer in the circus and does a double act with his 'dog'"**_

"What! What the fuck's a circus?"

The people who were at the park managed to clutter around Kiba.

Then it seemed as if common sense hit Kiba.

"Wait, this is hella stupid. I'm getting outta here." He grabbed Akamaru's leash and attempted to drag him out of the park but not before an invisible hand tied them to the swings.

_**"Inuzuka Kiba...wants to get into Hinata's pants."**_

Red stains made their way on to Kiba's face as he gaped.

"Hell yeah!" yelled Kiba with a triumphant smirk. The smirk, however, faded away in an instant when he saw the object of this fantasy's cousin charging at him like a crazed bull.

"I will not let you speak about Hinata-sama so indecently like that!"

Neji would have stabbed numerous kunai into Kiba, but the same invisible hand drove Neji out of the picture.

_**"Inuzuka Kiba...has had a traumatized childhood, much more tragic than that of Naruto's and Sasuke's."**_

"Hey! I had a perfectly normal childhood thank you very much!"

_**"Inuzuka Kiba...likes to hit on peoples' grandmas."**_

"Fuck you! I do not! Why are you doing this to me! I never did anything to you!"

_**"So now you know Inuzuka Kiba -- the angsty dog boy who likes to hit on peoples' grandmas and wants to get into Hinata's pants!"**_

"Hey! You can't just leave like that! I thought you were on a roll so why're you pussying out now? Come out now so I can kick your sorry ass!"

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Next Chapter: Hyuuga Hinata 

Leave some love! (Review!!) D


	5. Hyuuga Hinata

Another chapter of KYS. I do admit that this chapter is quite short.

_**

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Know Your Stars: Hyuuga Hinata **_

Hinata was aimlessly walking around the streets of Konoha as she wondered why she wasn't as confident as anyone else. She found herself walking towards Ichiraku's Ramen Stand in hopes of finding a certain fox boy there.

**_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars._**

Hinata instantly activated her Byakugan. Veins popped around her eyes as she concentrated on finding the owner of that thunderous voice.

_**Hyuuga Hinata...is really a blind girl. That's why she is such a failure to the Hyuuga clan.**_

Hinata looked down. Maybe if she ignored them, they would go away.

MV tried again.

**_Hyuuga Hinata...has an ugly, fat figure which is why she hides under that horrid jacket of hers._**

Her eyes might have become more downcast, but that was obviously not enough for MV.

_**Hyuuga Hinata...hates Naruto like hell.**_

"N-n-no I d-d-d-d-on't!"

_**She does.**_

"N-no I d-d-d-on't!"

_**Trust me, she really does.**_

"No I don't!"

MV invisibly rolled its eyes. What was wrong with this girl? MV had insulted her bloodline limit, but she didn't care. MV had insulted her figure, but she didn't care. The Haruno girl had a much violent reaction. Finally MV insults her love towards Naruto and all MV got was a pathetic, stuttering, "N-n-n-n-n-n-o I d-d-d-d-don't!!!"

_**Hyuuga Hinata is never going to sleep with Naruto.**_

"Y-yes I w-w-will! T-t-hat is my g-g-goal! Besides bec-c-oming s-s-s-tronger!"

_**Hyuuga Hinata...has a special disease called Pokulitis. It's a rare disease that people get if they are extremely retarded. The disease makes people poke their fingers together when in an embarrasing situation. It also makes people like Hinata want to sleep with people that they hate.**_

"I d-d-don't h-h-have any disease! I'm p-p-p-perfectly h-healthy!"

_**So now you know Hyuuga Hinata...the blind, fat, diagnosed bitch with Pokulitis who wants to sleep with Naruto and hates him at the same time.**_

"T-they d-d-don't know a-a-anything about me a-at a-all!"

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Next Chapter: Aburame Shino 

What fun is there is store for the bug loving mystery man?

Now if y'all could show some love for me, you could kindly click that blue button below.

REVIEW


	6. Aburame Shino

TragicMiko is back...with a new penname. Like it? I thought this one was better anyways.

So...the point of this show is to insult every character...so Shino lovers, please don't flame. I like Shino, actually.

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Know Your Stars: Aburame Shino **_

Shino was training in a forest with his bugs. He had a mission coming up and needed to be in top shape.

The sun once again was shrouded by clouds as MV decided to make it's presence known.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

Shino and his bugs looked up at the sky.

_**Aburame Shino...is really Saddam Hussain. That's why he wears that coat and sunglasses-to cover up his face so he can't be recognized.**_

Shino just blankly stared.

_**Aburame Shino...humps bugs for a living.**_

"It is impossible to hump a bug."

_**But if you could, you would!**_

"No, I do not indulge myself in such vulgar acts."

_**Aburame Shino...is really a hooker. Another reason he wears that coat is so he can hide his overly large chest.**_

Shino started twiching. He ordered his kekkei bugs to do something about the voice but they wouldn't move.

_**Aburame Shino...instead of having pictures of semi-naked girls in his room like any normal guy would, has pictures of semi-naked bugs.**_

"You have no way of proving that. And bugs are already naked. They cannot be semi naked unless you put clothes on them."

_**Good point-but yes we can prove that.**_

A bucket of bug posters with bugs posing provocatively (if that was even possible) fell down from the heavens.

"Pay the price for removing my precious posters!" And with that his bugs tried to swarm the heavens, but failed miserably.

_**We found this in your room. Watcha gonna do now, bug boy, watcha gonna do now?**_

All the color drained from Shino's face. Next time, he would put more bugs to guard his room, even from mysterious invisible intruders that had nothing to do with him.

_**So now you know, it's Mike's Super Short Show!**_

_**Just kidding. Sorry. Couldn't resist.**_

_**So now you know Aburame Shino-the hooker bug/pervert/whore who really is Saddam Hussain."**_

Shino started crying.

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The next chapter: Rock Lee

What fun is there in store for this youthful, energetic boy?

Now show some love and review!

What'dchya think about my new penname?


	7. Rock Lee

So I think the chapters are getting better from the Kiba one. We'll see.

Disclaimer: What're you talking about? I do not even own myself!

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_**_**Know Your Stars: Rock Lee**_

Lee was at the park, dressed up in his green spandex body suit. Whatever he was doing, we don't know, but we can be sure it was something youthful.

It was in the afternoon when a lot of people were in the park that MV decided to have some fun. Oh, yes, it was painfully obvious what this kid's weakness was.

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

Lee stopped midway during his speech of youthfulness and looked up.

_**Rock Lee...overworks his ass. That is so not youthful. Youthful people relax and stay cool.**_

Lee's expression changed from youthfully excited to teary.

You mean all my hard work made my youthfulness go away?

_**Yes. Rock Lee...never passed second grade. He doesn't know what contractions are. That's why he always says things like,"I will," or "You cannot," or "I do not" in the English dub.**_

"What are these contractions you are talking about? I wish to know more about them."

_**Rock Lee...is a dumbass.**_

"Yosh! I am youthful. The flames of youth burn strongly in my heart!"

_**Lee...dumbasses aren't youthful.**_

"No-o-o-o-o-o!!" Lee started wailing.

_**Rock Lee is in love with Sakura. That ain't youthful.**_

"Sakura is my precious person. It is so very youthful to protect precious people!"

_**Only she could've defeated the Sound-nins without your help. Wasting your energy ain't youthful either."**_

"Nooooo! I must be youthful and not fail you Gai-sensei!"

_**Rock Lee...does not have a dick. Let's hope he doesn't end up in one of Sai's paintings of the dickless.**_

"I am manly. I have a very youthful dick, too!"

_**So now you know Rock Lee, the workaholic, unyouthful, dickless dumbass who never passed second grade.**_

"No! Gai sensei I have failed you by being stripped of my youthfulness! I should work harder!"

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Next chapter: Tenten 

What kind of humiliation is in store for our favorite weapons mistress?

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So tell me what you think by leaving some love! 

Please review. If you do I'll give you a cookie! (Please keep in mind that the authoress is a pathetic weirdo who asks people for reviews. That _is_ gay. Don't you think?)

REVIEW!!!!!!!!...is love...


	8. Tenten

After a long break, here is the next chapter of KYS in the year 2007.

Enjoy!

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_**

**_Know Your Stars: Tenten_**

Tenten was, as usual, practicing her aim with various kunai, shuriken, etc. Her training was rudely interrupted by-

"Tenten! Tenten! I was stripped by my youthfulness! I have failed Gai sensei! I cannot bear to live without my youthful flame!"

And with that, Lee ran away, shrieking and flailing his arms like a headless chicken to wail to everyone else that he was stripped of his manliness-oops, I mean youthfulness. Sorry. -cough-

Tenten was about to resume her training but stopped when she heard-

_**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**_

She immediately started hurling shuriken in all directions.

_**Tenten...is really a guy.**_

"No I'm not! You want proof?"

_**It's okay. Tenten...only loves Neji because she feels pity towards him and his blindness.**_

"What are you talking about? That's a whole clan you're insulting! I would never pity Neji! He was #1 Rookie last year!

_**Tenten...doesn't have a last name because her father died before her mother got pregnant with her and her mom had to turn herself in jail after seeing poor Tenten's hideous face. Yes, it was that ugly.**_

"You implying I'm an illegitimate child! Why you bastard!"

_**Tenten...I'm afraid that would be you.**_

Tenten huffed angrily and started her weapon attack again, this time firing at the heavens.

_**Tenten...failed the Chuunin Preliminaries because she saw Temari's face and thought she was the most beautiful girl on the planet, thus resulting in her getting distracted.**_

"I don't even know her yet! Shut up and go bully someone else!"

_**Tenten...likes reading lesbian porn. She has stacks of it at home and gives them to Neji, who reads them too much, gets an overdose, and never feels sexual urges."**_

"I am not a bastard! I am not a lesbian! I don't know Temari of the Sand personally and I DON'T SHARE PORN MAGAZINES WITH NEJI!!"

_**So now you know Tenten-the illegitimate failure who pities Neji's blindness and shares lesbian porn mags with him.**_

Tenten's eyes glowed red as she chucked many weapons into the air again.

_**By the way, Tenten, did you know that Sakura sells her weapons on eBay and uses the money for her dresses?**_

"I...will kill that bitch!" Tenten ran off.

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Next Chapter: Hyuuga Neji

What insults will our favorite genius have to put up with?

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Okay...I wasn't particularly too fond of this chapter, but whatev.

This time, when you review, say what you liked best about the chapter! (If you even liked it)

Reviews are love.

Signing off,

CheerfullyPessimistic


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